Nancy writes....

This will be a short message because I’m in the throws of moving my office. I’m going to a much smaller space, by myself, but surrounded by other companies – it’s one of those executive suites. I’m excited, nervous, and thinking about what changes about me in a new space. Does my outward facing self look different? Not unless I change my outfits – aka, change from jeans and flip flops to something more “professional.” How about who I am as a person? I’d like to think I can hold on to the parts of me that are really me and help them grow. I think about all the young people starting school, college or a new job facing this as well. How do they hold on to who they are, as their egos are being formed? An even greater challenge!

Change is hard; change is exciting; change is constant. Share any advice you have for me and others as we tackle our daily changes. What’s helped you get through it? How did you hold on to your true self? Thanks!

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From Meredith…

I've mentioned that I recently started a new job. This has been a huge transition for me; I had been at my previous job for about seven years. I jumped into completely new experience: a huge, multi-faceted, complex organization when I came from a streamlined, focused and small operation. I went from working with one person whom I know quite well to knowing only one person among 1,500 co-workers! And that person works in a completely different building! It is not surprising, I suppose, that this experience has to some degree decreased my confidence and increased self-doubt. Each day, at some point, I’ve asked myself, “What have I done? Why am I here? Can I survive this?”

A week or so ago, I read this somewhere: “When you become aware of what you're made of you are no longer afraid.” The first image that jumped to mind was a coach yelling to a boxer "Show 'em what you're made of kid!" Don't words like that make the fighter brave? These words of encouragement remind a fighter of the strength, training, agility and ability he or she possesses. These words are designed to makes fighters pause and take stock of their "ingredients" so they can re-focus and kick some butt!

This is good advice for anyone facing a tough situation. I've begun looking at my daily challenges as parts rather than the whole, which can be overwhelming. And I’ve begun to look at myself as ingredients rather than one nebulous being with no definition. On the Food Network I saw a chef serve up a “deconstructed” taco. She did this for presentation value, but it reminded me of all the wonderful ingredients that made up the final dish. Hmmm…Let's see, to make one Meredith you take equal parts smarts, authenticity, fun, experience, and savvy, mix with energy and voila! What a dish! Okay, I’m not made up of all good things – who is? But examining myself part by part allowed me to build myself back up – increase my confidence so I could come back the next day and try this new job thing again. And the result has been that each day has gotten better.

Knowing your ingredients, what you're made of, can be really useful during tough times – especially during life’s toughest challenges (those much more challenging than starting a new job). What do you look like deconstructed? What are your ingredients? During tough times, have you discovered or remembered what you're made of?

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Nancy writes...

I was waiting in my doctor’s office recently which is of course a great time – only time?! – to catch up on magazine reading. An article I read talked about how we look at ourselves in the mirror. My experience is to do it absolutely as quickly as possible. It is usually full of critique, well, let’s be honest, criticism, then I move on. I often think,” wow, you look tired, Nancy”; “you look dowdy, middle aged and heavier all over”; or my favorite was when my mother would simply stick her tongue out at herself! This still makes me giggle.

Couple this with a recent story from a woman I know who just turned 60. Her birthday party theme was how to look younger than you are. She had a consultant come in and show everyone how to do their hair, their clothes, etc to take ten years off their appearance. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind going to that! On the Today Show the other morning a health expert was talking about how differently women are talked to as they/we age. We women get, “you look good for your age.” YUCK!


One more thread. My husband and I were talking about how nice one part of aging is: we don’t obsess anymore about that mark on our face (EEK a pimple!) or the waaaay less than perfect physiques we have. Time does heal some wounds. But it’s hard to get to that wisdom that lies beneath the looks.

Back to the mirror. Once, because I promised a friend I would do it, I stared at myself in the mirror for about five minutes. It was really really hard. But as this magazine article said, the exercise helps you go beyond the tongue ejection. To do the exercise justice, you have to suffer through the discomfort to get to what you see behind your eyes and let yourself feel what you know about how you are.

So try it. Find a time when you are alone in a room with a mirror. It’s especially nice if it’s quiet. Set a timer for five minutes. Stand in front of a mirror – the bigger the better. Stare at yourself. Take a deep breath. Don’t push anything, don’t put pressure on yourself; just listen to what comes to you. Suspend your judgment. Take another deep breath and listen. Can you be an objective observer of the woman in the mirror? When the timer goes off, jot down five adjectives that describe the person in the mirror. Then write a paragraph weaving the five descriptors together by answering the question: In the mirror I see a woman who…

Then share your observations about the person in the mirror with us by clicking the comment link!
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From Meredith…

When I was vacationing in Belize a few years ago, I visited this really cool cave called Actun Tunichil Muknal (ATM), or “Cave of the Stone Sepulchre”. To get there, our little tour group had to drive two hours in the mud, then take a one and a half hour hike through the jungle and over rivers. It was only then that we arrived at the base camp, built by National Geographic when they first came to explore the cave. After lunch and a brief prep by our guide, we walked to the mouth of the cave. To enter, we had to jump into a cold pool of water and then crawl up into the cave. Exploring the cave was the most adventurous thing I’ve ever done. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time. We saw the remains of Mayan people sacrificed by their religious leaders. We saw Mayan artifacts brought there in offering to the gods. We squeezed through tight cave walls, and climbed up and down steep caverns.

The scariest part for me came about half way through the trek. This cave had many dry parts, but also many wet parts, and for a good while we were wading through water up to our chests. At that point – for the fear factor, which I fell for – our guide convinced us to turn off our helmet lights. I don’t know why we did it. Perhaps because he was an authoritative figure, an expert; I guess we assumed there was a good reason. All I know is that for those few moments, in the complete darkness, with water up to my chest, I was petrified, even though I knew my group was with me. I was even holding my husband’s hand. But sitting there and not being able to see anything, not knowing what was two inches from my face was daunting. I was scared of what I didn’t know.

The state of not knowing; it’s when our brains really start to work, huh? When I don’t have information, knowledge to base my thoughts on, my mind starts working up all kinds of scenarios, some reasonable, some ridiculous. This happened to me recently as I began counting down the days to my new job, which began this week.

Before I began, I knew the basics about the program I’d be working on, had met my new boss, and generally knew what they wanted me to do. But little stuff, such as where I’d sit, what I’d do my first day, who my co-workers would be, was completely unknown to me. As I walked from the metro stop to the door of the big new building, I became more and more panicked. While I was excited by the prospect of a new adventure, I had no idea what was in store on the other side of that door. And I don’t embrace the unknown.

Like the ATM cave in Belize, the first week of my new job was exhilarating and terrifying all at once. But as I began to take in more and more information, knowledge, about where I was and what to do, my mind settled. It had real information to process instead of a bunch of unknowns.

Some people love the unknown; it drives them. They see possibilities and imagine all kinds of positive outcomes. Often times for me, when my brain has no other information to work with, my anxiety rises. What helps me is to remind myself that this feeling, like all things in life is just temporary and will get better. I just have to be patient and open to the positive experiences that lie ahead.

How do you approach the unknown? Are you scared? Excited? Do you easily move forward into the unknown, or do your freeze up? What techniques do you use to navigate the unknown?

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Nancy writes...

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? Do you ever wonder what that’s all about?

Several weeks ago, my daughters and I went to see the play Rent here in northern Virginia. You know the story… a group of young adults struggling with life that includes drugs, AIDS, relationships, wealth, betrayal and the meaning of it all. When my girls saw this several years ago, they were very struck by it, watching it over and over, knowing every word to every song. At the time I thought that it was a pretty tough message – after all, AIDS is a hard disease. I know. My brother died of it. I was intrigued by my younger daughter’s love of it. Now I can’t get that song, How About Love, out of my mind.

So what’s that about? I think it’s a message coming to me through the words. The point of the song is to consider how one measures a life. The lyrics offer are all sorts of ways of doing this: by minutes, by sunsets, by traffic lights. Then the beautifully clear voices rhetorically ask, “how about love?” It’s helping me ask myself this question of my own life. How do I measure my life?

Is it:
By the number of friends?
By the number of clients?
By the length of the friendships?
By the number of awards received?
By the honesty of the way I’ve lived my life?
By the amount of money I have?

The lessons learned from a song that turns over and over in my head is magical in some ways. But in a very practical way it’s helped me remember the power of measuring my life by loving and being loved. For me, this means knowing myself well enough that I can love others.

How do you measure your life?

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